My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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