Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I need a beard to bite.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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