threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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