I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
