i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I could fuck to npr.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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