I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
