i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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