You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
