Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
They took my balls.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
