i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
