I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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