everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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