They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
