drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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