im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
