I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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