I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
