I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
