Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
