if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
