You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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