Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am mentally ready for anal.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
