3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
