My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
