take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize