can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
