Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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