you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
her facebook's as public as her vagina
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
