I just cut my nipple shaving
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
