I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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