Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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