Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
