Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
