I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
