if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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