she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
