My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
This is classic penis vs brain.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
