the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
