Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
