What did we do last night that was yellow?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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