Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
