fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
