So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
