Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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