your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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