My brain says no but my pants say off.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm both gender and math confused
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
