When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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