and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
