i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
