1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
