what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
