Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
