I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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