dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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