so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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