When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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