I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
