Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
