A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
please don't ironically join a cult
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