my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
