I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
