I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
