I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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