so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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