so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
