someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
