Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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