So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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