I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
