YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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