oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
