All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Randomize
