And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize