How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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