I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
